When some people think of a fun getaway they usually picture some sunny destination like Cuba, Mexico, or even Las Vegas. Well, for a guy like me, my fun getaway consists of golfing in frigid temperatures on dead-grass golf courses in B.C. While I agree it would have been better to have been somewhere like the Dominic Republic (or even the Banana Republic - I hear they have great sweaters there) I still had a helluva time during my recent golf trip and I figure, what the heck, let’s blog on it.
The weekend started off looking quite grim. We were a few degrees away from cancelling the entire trip. With plans to leave on Thursday, Calgary was neck deep in snow and B.C. wasn’t looking much better. In fact, we had one of the courses we had booked call to tell us that conditions were dire and that we should be forewarned. So what would the average golfer do? Well, most of us average hacks would pack it in, head for a local pub and forget the whole thing. But not Fuchie n’ Friends.
By Thursday the weather had improved somewhat - 6 degrees with light snow for our first round on Friday - and we decided we’d take our chances. So we drive the three hour drive, literally in a snow storm the entire way and laugh pretty much the entire time over our folly for even thinking we’ll be golfing. We were heading to the Invermere area, and for those of you who know the drive, Hwy 93 was in rough shape. In fact, Olive Lake looked more like Snowcone Lake, but then again, we really couldn’t see it through the raging blizzard - good news though, the truck didn’t spin out and plunge us into the aforementioned frozen pond. But, like true die-hard golfers, we surged on, shovel in hand…
Thursday night was a write-off… we ate, watched some NHL highlights (go Flyers go!) and waited anxiously to see what the weather was going to do. Here’s the next interesting tidbit: picture a 700 sqft condo with one bedroom and four adult men trying to find a place to sleep. We all brought sleeping bags and gave the bedroom to the condo owner (that seems fair…) and unfortunately had to double up on the hide-a-bed, but slept in foot-to-head fashion, granted the genitalia are all lined up anyway. The only thing I’ll mention on this topic is that the constant relief of male-ass-gas turned the cozy condo into a green-fog bear den… it was kinda sick - but that said, if snow couldn’t get us down, neither could putrid air.
We awoke bright and early Friday morning to sunny skies and no frost - we were thrilled. We jumped in the truck and headed down to destination number one: St. Eugene’s Mission near Cranbrook and the Bavarian City of the Rockies (aka Kimberely). It was St. E’s opening day and they were self admittedly in sub-par shape (no pun intended). Their greens were rough, but the fairways were overall in good shape. By the middle of the round we figured out how to play the greens (hit it hard!) and were getting the winter cobwebs out. My shot of the day had to be my very first when I tagged my drive straight and low and curving directly out of bounds until “THWACK!” it hit the o.b marker and shot back to the fairway - in a million tries, I could never do that again. The other notable shot was on their wicked 13th Hole (I think?). Here you have a plunging shot down to the green, but the wind was blowing a hundred miles an hour. I went third and learned from my other golfer’s mistakes (ok, they told me where to shoot) and literally aimed about 50 yards left of the hole and popped it WAY up. The wind took the ball and plopped me about five feet away - an easy par (ok, I missed the short putt).
My goal this weekend was to consistently break 100. I’m not an amazing golfer, but I can routinely break 100 hands down… so for the first rounds of the year, I thought that was a good goal. I finished St. E’s with a 105 which was actually second best in my group, but still pissed at the score.
After the round we jumped into the truck and sped off to the next round in Radium. We literally had enough time to get into the vehicle and out again onto the next tee-box - fun! Radium was a short round and we played “Bingo-Bango-Bongo” which is a silly golf game for those who can’t be bothered with keeping the real score. Radium’s Mountainside course is a funny little track and after the nine-holes I had shot a 47 (on my way to break a 100) and I had lost $4 - stupid game… We finished up the night with a steak and beer dinner and watched some hockey (go Pens!).
Later that night I was schooled (literally) in poker playing and I realized that I’m not much of a poker player either. I was out quickly, and out $10 quickly and started to realize that I’m not much of a gambler either! We hit the sack pretty late, and I wore a gas mask.
Saturday morning we woke up to brilliant sunny skies and a surging warm temperature. We headed off for a 9 am tee-time at the local course (Windermere Valley). W.V. is a funny little course with not many long holes, but the price is right and we’re still hitting the golf ball. Not much to say about W.V., except that I got my first birdie of the year (tweet-tweet baby!) and broke 100. I should actually break 90 at W.V. based on the short length of the course, but embarassingly walked away with a 93. The last two mornings I was in rough shape and not golfing very well, so I was looking forward to the next round to really show off my skills.
After a quickie lunch (I ate salad, trying to stay thin here) we skipped over to Copper Point, one of the nicest courses in the region, and the sun started to scorch us. Jay, being nearly albino, started to roast - poor fella. None of us really thought that there’d be much sun, so we neglected to bring sunscreen and paid for it. However, the golf course is beautiful, even though the grass hasn’t greened up yet. I played really well considering the difficulty of the course, but made a few horrible mistakes the last three holes and slunked away with a 103 (and I lost $1.75 - damn gambling!).
That night, we played poker again and drank some local Kootenay beer (try it out the next time you’re there) - this time I didn’t lose a thing as we weren’t playing for money. I ended up going all in after having a Jack-Ace pair, but lost when the other guy had three Jacks - I mean, how DOES that happen!? So anyway, I improved slightly and finished third, instead of fourth, but started to realize that poker just might not be my thing.
The next morning we packed up our stuff and headed over to Fairmont’s Mountainside course. There was a long frost delay, so we sat and drank coffee and watched some scrubby hobos walk in who were apparently playing golf. There was a big sign at the course indicating that they enforce a dress code, but apparently that dress code includes dirty runners, ripped jeans, and hoodies - welcome to luxurious Fairmont. They were all in a tournament and it appears as though there was a contest for worst dressed. I was a little pissed because if you’re paying resort prices, you’d except the place to operate like a first rate resort course - which was not the case - call me a golf snob.
I was determined to legitimately break 100 so I had the entire course mapped out based off my handicap so I knew exactly where I was and what I had to shoot on each hole to break 100. After nine holes I was two shots above that pace and figured I could make it up on the back nine. Disaster after disaster struck and I finished with a ridiculous 108 - I nearly snapped. My favourite shot was one that plunged into a rock-filled river and bounced out and flew about 20 yards right back towards me… sheesh. The only other notable is my hot dog at the halfway point. It was a self-serve kinda deal where you just grabbed the dog, put your toppings on, and pay. So I did… until the lady told me that my hot dog is ice cold, and it was… she tossed it in the microwave, but it didn’t do much, so yes, I ate a cold hot dog covered in mustard, ketchup, onions and peppers - ew.
We headed home, burnt, sore hands, but definitely satisfied with our golf. The weather on the way home was lovely and I was able to stay awake the whole way sipping on my XL Double-Double - thank you Mr. Horton.
I can’t wait to golf again, in fact I headed to the driving range the very next day, and I loved the weekend. 81 holes later I was a little sore, and my break-100 ego was definitely hurt, but it is what it is. Next year I’ll plan a golf trip, but I’ll consider pushing it out to May instead to ensure there’s no chance of snow on the course. Until next year, keep it long and straight.
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Fuchie